Lessons for a New Dad

Every week brings a new lesson. Like the lesson of bath day. This is a hard-and-fast rule that cannot be broken. It doesn't matter if the kids are dirty. They get bathed every two days.

The way I see it, their heads and tails get cleaned at every feeding and diaper change. The rest of their bodies are covered, for the most part. And it's not as if they have really messy activities. They aren't helping me dig the new sidewalk. But, if it's bath day, they get a bath, dammit.

I've also had an expansion of my vocabulary with words like "binkie" and "onesie" and "poopy". These are not just fun new words. They also have meaning. Take, for example, the word "sleeper". This refers to the gown that the kids sleep in. One afternoon Little Eugene and I met Tracy at the pediatrician's office. She was surprised that he was still in his sleeper.

"Has he been in his sleeper all day?" she asked.

"Well, yeah," I said.

"Eugene, sleepers are only for sleeping!" she whispered as her eyes scanned the waiting room, hoping no one overheard. "This is so embarrassing," she said.

"He sleeps most of the day anyway," I said. "You know if I didn't have to come down here to meet you, I'd still be in my pajamas, too."

"Eugene, you have a lot to learn," Tracy said.

"I guess I do, honey," I said.

Thanks, Dave

Our friend Dave is coming home next week from his tour in Iraq. Dave hasn't seen his 14 month old daughter Landyn since he left in January. His Dad is a helicopter pilot who departed Sunday for 5 months of training followed by a year long tour in Kosovo. To Dave and his family, and to everyone serving our country, thank you for your service and sacrifice. We're looking forward to seeing you soon!

14 Weeks

Today the twins are 14 weeks old. This was the best picture I could get of them.

Really, Eugene is happy in all of the photos. It's Olivia who can't seem to stay happy. For some reason she has been less content lately. It's as if they have switched roles. I think I'll start calling them George and Elaine. It really is a Bizarro World here in Twinland.

P.S. The babies and I managed to make it through our first days at home together without burning the house down. More on that later.

Still with the Tongue

I'm trying my best to break Olivia of the sticking-out-the-tongue habit, but her mother has a lot of influence over her.

Mr. Mom

This was a sad week for Tracy. It marked the end of maternity leave and the return to work part-time. I will be working part-time also, so that someone is always home with the kids. I don't know if this is a comfort to Tracy or not. She called home from work four times on Wednesday to see how I was doing.

"How am I doing?" I asked. "Do you think I'm going to have a breakdown?"

"Well...no, not really," she said.

Tracy won't admit it, but she has this paranoid fantasy about what will happen when I stay home with the kids. It goes something like this:

The answering machine at home picks up.

"Hello Eugene," Tracy says worriedly. "Just calling to check on you. I haven't heard from you all day. I wish you would call me back."

I don't get her messages because I am out golfing all morning. Not all day, just the morning. The kids won't sleep all day.

When I get home I head straight to the fridge for a beer. I need to fortify myself to handle the kids for the rest of the day. This is why I don't hear her calls in the afternoon. By one o'clock I'm passed out on the couch in my underwear.

That's where Tracy comes home to find me. The children are on the floor, crying in dirty diapers. The room is littered with empty Budweiser cans. There is violence and nudity on the television. Sharp objects are within reach. And, at the moment she walks in the back door, the neighbors and our pastor come knocking on the front door.

"That's just ridiculous," I tell her. "You know I don't drink Budweiser."

"Well...," she said.

First (second?) Trip to the Beach

The kids had a wonderful first trip to the beach over the 4th of July weekend. The water was warm, the sun was shining, the fireworks went off at all hours of the night. It was great! No, seriously. We had a fantastic time.

There were a few "non-residents" who thought it would be "fun" to set off "half-sticks of dynamite" at midnight. That was not fantastic. But every other part was. Even the three hour car ride down there.